The Kings Arms
Last night, members of the Oxford Guild of Tour Guides gathered at the illustrious The Kings Arms for what can only be described as one of the most significant intellectual events of the academic calendar: the Annual Guild Quiz.
Presiding over proceedings was quiz master (or, more accurately, quiz supremo) Magnus, whose calm authority masked what can only be assumed was a deep enjoyment of the chaos he was about to unleash.
Four teams entered the arena: the Fab Four, the Oxford Blues, the Oxymorons, and the Impronauts. Team names, as ever, were debated with the seriousness normally reserved for constitutional reform.
Fuelled by chips, drinks, and an unwavering belief in their own intellectual superiority, the teams embarked on a contest that would test not only their knowledge, but also their dignity.
And what a test it was.
This year’s questions have already gone down in Guild history as exceptionally taxing. Among the challenges:
• How many librarians are there at the Bodleian Library?
• What, precisely, is “a bit off” about the sundial at Corpus Christi College?
• And, while we’re there, how many calendars are actually on it?
• Identify this book… and its language.
• How many public museums exist in Oxford?
Knowledge was tested across centuries; from the beginnings of the University and its first college in 1249, through to modern customs and traditions. Contestants grappled with everything from the significance of the mint julep (and its collegiate loyalties) to words newly inducted into the Oxford English Dictionary.
Even Nic, fresh from a master’s degree in Aura Farming, found himself momentarily challenged.
After a prolonged and deeply gruelling intellectual battle, one team emerged victorious.
Unfortunately, in the intensity of the moment, they appear to have misplaced their team name. The Astronauts? The Argonauts? The Octonauts?
Historians may never know.
What is certain, however, is that the triumphant Impronauts (we think) accepted their trophies with grace, pride, and only a mild degree of confusion. Post-quiz interviews offered further insight into this extraordinary achievement.
Erica, visibly overwhelmed, remarked: “Well, when it comes to Oxford and Cambridge, there is clearly only one real winner.”
Aaron attributed his success to “many hours studying in the Duke Humfrey Library - always in sub-fusc, of course.”
Dave, a seasoned quiz competitor, credited his performance to “five minutes of preparation and an entirely appropriate number of beers purchased for Magnus.”
Meanwhile, Sophie confirmed that the victory would complete her domestic trophy display, describing the evening as “tough, but ultimately worth it.”
In the excitement, runners-up positions were not formally recorded, though it is widely believed they existed.
Our congratulations go to all involved, and our thanks - sincere and substantial - to Magnus for orchestrating an evening of such formidable intellectual challenge.
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Magnus
It is believed celebrations may well continue tonight and well into tomorrow morning. Only a very early visit down the High Street will confirm this.
Roll on next year.
